I have been emotionally unavailable to write anything down partly because my family now knows and I've been leaning on my mom. These are some of the scattered-brained events and thoughts that have occurred since then:
Wednesday - May 6:
-he went to play soccer
-I looked at keylogger and discovered:
- he emailed her on May 1 telling her that I had asked for his email password and to not email until after 10pm
-the UFP is actually the other woman
-he had a special email folder for other woman which he deleted. parts of some of their correspondence begin with her calling him "my love"
-he emailed to her everything that was going on between us, every fight, every argument, etc.
-he had pictures of her on our desktop which he deleted
-he has been talking to another girl (an ex from high school). she calls him "my love, handsome" and he doesn't object to it
-he has remained in contact with this girl forever, so this makes me question everything in our relationship. I'm thinking our marriage is a fraud and I married under false pretenses.
-on May 4 or 5 he googled "how to hide phone number"
- found out he took a picture of himself sometime after January in our room (we just painted it). the last time he took a picture of himself, he opened an account on American Singles.
-I kicked him out on Wednesday night after he came home
-I called my cousin before that so that he was present. I didn't think the p.o.s. was going to hurt me or anything but I thought he would not leave if my cousin was not there.
Thursday - May 7:
- I packed all his shit out of my room
- I called all the credit cards that were under my name and deleted him as an authorized user
- he came by after work and asked for one more chance
- I gave it to him on several conditions to be mentioned below
- he told me there was nothing physical but they did exchange "I love you" a few times
- that he was attracted to her personality
- I had him write a "no contact" letter to the other woman and had him give me his password
- he didn't want to tell me the truth because he thought it would hurt me more. I don't think the p.o.s. quite understands that it's the constant lying that hurts me the most. I really feel it's an insult to my intelligence.
- said he googled the "hide phone number" crap because he just didn't want people to have his number (bullshit)
- said he stopped having any contact after Friday
Friday - May 8:
- kinda shady, I can't really remember anything but I know I didn't go to work
Saturday - May 9:
- we talked about how to fix our marriage problems some, but I don't think he is clear on what he wants in terms of the marriage, i.e.: he said he wanted me to attend his games but then when I offer to go, he doesn't want me to go.
Sunday - May 10:
- we acted nice and almost happy while we visited our mothers
- i broke down and told him I didn't know what I was doing but felt I was doing everything wrong
Monday - May 11:
- we carpooled to work
- found an email from someone else saying she saw his picture and he was cute and wanted to hook up. For all I know it could be spam, but even if it looks like spam, smells like spam, it might be true considering his disceptive ways
- said he stopped having contact with her on Thursday not Friday (freaking liar!)
- I broke down in the car when I heard a Ricardo Arjona (from now on RA) song. I changed the stations but he put it back on and said not to change it. He doesn't understand that I'm not over it and I trigger. He was an extremely insensitive prick. I cried the entire car ride home.
- he took me to eat ice cream (my favorite).
Tuesday - May 12:
- we carpooled again
- he told me he knew I was snooping around but to not let him know about it. If I have a question about a number to call that number and find out for myself
- found a way to obtain old text messages from his phone but I'm waiting on ebay seller to ship the stuff. I have to find a way to get to his sim card.
- he went to individual counseling first and then we had marriage counseling. Therapist basically said we had poor communication skills and we were not clear on what we wanted. She didn't touch the affair issue, which I have problems with because I'm not over it.
- therapist thinks this marriage could be saved
- therapist wants us to make a list of all the good and bad things in our marriage. so far the bad list outweighs the good.
- he told me the therapist told him having ex-gf's call on him like that is disrespectful to me
Wednesday - May 13:
- el que busca, encuentra (those who search, discover):
- I am convinced the other woman created the email just for him
- on his personal email, he changed his location to Redmond, WA which is surprisingly the same location listed when I look up the other woman's email on emailfinder.com
- went to gyno for routine annual exam and I couldn't bare to tell them to check for STDs. I felt so ashamed. I think I'm going to figure out what the symptoms are and keep a close eye on things.
As of now I'm in stealth mode. I will install a VAR (voice activated recorder) soon in his car and in the computer room. I just haven't had the opportunity to try it out. He goes to play soccer tonight so I can test it out. My plan is to recover the text messages and go from there. If there is nothing in there that I haven't already been told, then I will let go of the past and concentrate on making sure there is no contact with the other woman. If not, I will give him one last chance to tell me everything or it is over. I have to be determined this time, but I know I have to give him an ultimatum before I do or I will never go through leaving him.
I question this marriage every day.