Thursday, April 30, 2009


I'm weak and quite the open book. I just couldn't fake it in the morning. I got up earlier that usual so I wouldn't have to confront him without more concrete evidence. But my cell phone failed me.

Stage two: Anger

I got up, took a shower, got dressed, made lunch, and walked out my merry way, and then I forgot I left the cell phone in the room. I went back and then he was up. I couldn't look at him in the face, I just wanted to sucker-punch the lights out of him. So I walked rapidly past him and got my cell phone but he stopped me at the bedroom door. I tried to leave but he kept asking me what was wrong. I ignored (not wanting to say anything or hurt any body parts). After a few minutes of him asking and me ignoring, he let me go. And then I lost it in the car. I couldn't move and just cried my eyes out.

A few seconds later he opened the car door and asked me what was wrong. I tried to ignore but at this point of sobbing I could only cry more. And then I blurted it out: "You are cheating on me." Of course he denied it; lied right through his teeth. I told him some of the evidence like the minute and text usage and the google search. Some of the things blurted out of his mouth that are probable lies:

"I love you"
"You are the only one I love"
"I married you because I am commited to only loving you"
"What? I can't have friends now?"
"You were snoping through my personal stuff"
"Trust me"
"You don't trust me"
"There is nothing I could do for you to trust me"
"Call her and see we are just friends"
"Would I be so stupid to call from the cell phone even though I know you can see the usage online?" (Love is blind and dumb, my dear)

Eventually, he stormed back in the house and I left.

On the way to work, I got one text message saying I am the only one he loves, and one call where he repeated what he had said above.

Once at work, because I apparently love to torture myself, I checked the minute usage again through the cell phone provider's website. After he called me, he called her once and texted her three times. I want to sucker-punch him in the balls.

If there was any slight thinking that maybe this is just an emotional affair and that it could be ending quickly, just noticing that he called and texted her is enough to kick me right into reality. This is an emotional affair at a point of no return at best. And after two months of this, I really doubt it's that innocent.

I plan to look for a marriage counselor. I don't know what I want out of it. I'm not sure this is worth saving.

I Love Telemarketers

I have a new found affection towards telemarketers. I promise that the next time one calls I will thank them for my discovery day (d-day). I am not being sarcastic. My discovery day began yesterday afternoon with a call from a telemarketer.

I was sitting in my cubicle, minding my own business, when I received a call from a telemarketer on my cell phone. Of course my phone is on the Do Not Call List so I decided to check my cell phone provider's website so I could make a complaint against the telemarketer, and that is when I found it. A hundred calls logged in my husband's line from this one number. For almost the entire month of April, the total minutes to/from this number was 468, totaling about 60% of all his phone minutes (yes, I calculated it). And about 75% of all text messages sent were to this number (the cell phone provider for some reason doesn't provide incoming text message details).

Stage one after d-day: Denial.

I thought, maybe it's his mom? But it wasn't. Or one of his brothers? No dice. Maybe his work? Wrong again. So not finding the answer I did a reverse search on whitepages and the number was tied to a cell phone but that is all the website gave. So I paid about $5 for an people information type website for it to spit out a name. It gave me one that is un-google-able.

I spend the rest of the workday crying, denying it, crying some more. Reviewing and brooding over the minute call list on the cell phone provider's website. Here are some of the patterns I noticed:
1. Calls range from 1 minute to 38 minutes.
2. Calls are made/received between 7 am to 9 pm.
3. The calls began sometime in late February.
4. He calls/texts multiple times a day.
5. For the past week, he has been overly affectionate (one of the signs of cheating) so he would call me two to three times on my way to work. But he would call her first, then me, then her, then me again, repeat.
6. He calls as soon as I am out of the house, either working or walking the dog, etc.
7. He calls her as soon as he is out of the house. Last night, he went at 8:47pm to "play soccer" (not sure I really believe him). He called her as soon as he was in his car.
8. He texts her constantly! Even when I am around.

Here are some other things I noticed:
1. He hides his phone in a way I can't see when he is texting. Before he would usually just text in front of me.
2. He closes websites when I walk by and becomes nervous.
3. He receives text messages late and doesn't check them right away. He waits until he goes to the bathroom/kitchen/living room/office to check them.
4. I reviewed his phone. She has sent him picture messages, but I have not been able to see them.
5. He googled "married and in love with someone else."
6. His birthday was in March and he received a very expensive perfume and aftershave from a "coworker."
7. He bought one or two gifts totaling $88 for one or two coworkers' birthdays in April.
8. He spent all afternoon on Saturday helping a "coworker" move. He needs to spend all day Sunday helping "coworker" move again.
9. He goes straight to the computer when he comes home and does not get off the computer until 11 pm.
10. He recently discovered the landline phone and has it next to the computer in the office.
11. Recently he has been so much more affectionate than usual and we talk a whole lot less.

When I got home, I managed to install a key logger software on the computer. I may not have until Friday to view activity though. Here's hoping I find something a little more concrete.

Discovery Day

Discovery Day is a holiday celebrated in many countries to commemorate the discovery of land, gold, or other significant national discoveries.

This is not that kind of discovery day.

In many online relationship forums and chat rooms, discovery day is the day you find out your spouse is cheating. Unfortunately for me, this is that kind of discovery day.

This is my journal from discovery day (or rather, discovery day +1) through ???

We'll see where we go from here. I'm taking it one day at a time.