Thursday, April 30, 2009


I'm weak and quite the open book. I just couldn't fake it in the morning. I got up earlier that usual so I wouldn't have to confront him without more concrete evidence. But my cell phone failed me.

Stage two: Anger

I got up, took a shower, got dressed, made lunch, and walked out my merry way, and then I forgot I left the cell phone in the room. I went back and then he was up. I couldn't look at him in the face, I just wanted to sucker-punch the lights out of him. So I walked rapidly past him and got my cell phone but he stopped me at the bedroom door. I tried to leave but he kept asking me what was wrong. I ignored (not wanting to say anything or hurt any body parts). After a few minutes of him asking and me ignoring, he let me go. And then I lost it in the car. I couldn't move and just cried my eyes out.

A few seconds later he opened the car door and asked me what was wrong. I tried to ignore but at this point of sobbing I could only cry more. And then I blurted it out: "You are cheating on me." Of course he denied it; lied right through his teeth. I told him some of the evidence like the minute and text usage and the google search. Some of the things blurted out of his mouth that are probable lies:

"I love you"
"You are the only one I love"
"I married you because I am commited to only loving you"
"What? I can't have friends now?"
"You were snoping through my personal stuff"
"Trust me"
"You don't trust me"
"There is nothing I could do for you to trust me"
"Call her and see we are just friends"
"Would I be so stupid to call from the cell phone even though I know you can see the usage online?" (Love is blind and dumb, my dear)

Eventually, he stormed back in the house and I left.

On the way to work, I got one text message saying I am the only one he loves, and one call where he repeated what he had said above.

Once at work, because I apparently love to torture myself, I checked the minute usage again through the cell phone provider's website. After he called me, he called her once and texted her three times. I want to sucker-punch him in the balls.

If there was any slight thinking that maybe this is just an emotional affair and that it could be ending quickly, just noticing that he called and texted her is enough to kick me right into reality. This is an emotional affair at a point of no return at best. And after two months of this, I really doubt it's that innocent.

I plan to look for a marriage counselor. I don't know what I want out of it. I'm not sure this is worth saving.

1 comment:

  1. Hang in there....

    (found you on SI). You will survive! (((hugs)))