Wednesday, May 20, 2009

He is a Basketcase

I am completely convinced he suffers from Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Abandonment, Co-Dependency, Sexual Addiction, and he is a Predator.

He confessed that he slept with an old friend before we were married. Slept twice with her and the only reason he didn't sleep more times was because she had come to the city to visit family and her vacation time was up. He confessed he seeks out women to stroke his ego; he looks for cybersex from friends and strangers; has no respect for women but sees them as objects. Well, he didn't exactly say all that but those are the conclusions I derived at. And he has been doing this since the beginning of our relationship. I don't know the man I married.

I told him I wanted things settled by July 1, by settled I guess I mean I want him out of the house, the marital assets disbursed and basically waiting for divorce papers to be served. I think I have a chance at annulment through the Church because of his indiscretion before marriage. I can argue I took the Holy Sacrament of Matrimony under false pretenses, and I feel more at ease about it.

He says he wants to change, and I really want him to. I want him to be the man that I thought he was, marry a nice girl, be faithful to her, and have a family. I truly want this for him. I told him I would be here to help him out in whatever he needs to mature and gain some kind of moral compass. I know his family does not offer the support and comfort he needs. His mother is a stoic, distant, egotistical person, his brothers are self-absorbed, and his sister is a loof. I will be his support if he needs it but I can't go on like this. In all honesty, I think I don't love him at all anymore, and I am so glad about it. I still care very much for him; I sympathize with him. I don't think that will change.

I got in contact with a lawyer; I asked him about our house since it has negative equity. I wasn't sure how that would be resolved. I'm hoping for a very painless divorce and annulment procedures. I already downloaded the annulment requirements and I will take a closer look today at the requirements.

I am actually looking forward to being single. I want to start portuguese classes and yoga; things that I never really pursued because it would have interfered with our quality time. I am also starting to research the possibility of adoption. This is something I always wanted and I think by the time I have saved enough for it, I will be financially and emotionally prepared to be a single parent. If not, then I have ample time to change my mind since I don't expect to be anywhere near adopting in the next five years. But it's something to look forward to.

I thank God that I am incredibly calm through all this. I have asked for nothing but strength and guidance. I ask the same for my stbxh.


  1. It sounds like you are doing all of the right things. Good luck with this next stage of your life. Learning portuguese would be cool.

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  3. best wishes for fast proceedings across the board!

  4. I wish I could give you a hug. You are so strong. It's great that you're taking a moment to step back and look at what you have to look forward to in life, regardless of what's happening right now.

    Everyone is pulling for you.

  5. You're a very strong person and I know it will all work out for you in the end.

  6. Best of luck in moving forward with your life. Be careful about offering too much of your emotional self to a person who has lied to you and betrayed you - the fact that his family isn't everything he'd like them to be isn't your problem. I know you love him, and probably want to feel like this wasn't his fault, but make sure you take care of yourself first - he certainly isn't going to.

    Just keep telling yourself that you're doing the right thing by taking care of YOU. There will be hard days, but if you take care of YOU, you will get through them. You're in my thoughts and prayers.

  7. May God bless you and keep you. You are a very stong woman who deserve SO MUCH more. I am proud of your decision to divorce him and move on. You are stronger than I...I could not remain his friend. Good luck to yoU!